It's all mental...

So the school holidays are here and I have time to breathe, do 'mum' stuff (cleaning, tidying etc!) and concentrate on training, it's great!!

Also been reading... Lindley leant me Matt Fitzgerald's Brain Training for Runners and it's got some really good stuff in it about embracing pain, deciding not to slow down when it hurts and that some suffering means you're working hard and that's how you should feel so it's a good thing! Having taken this on board I've given this some thought whilst running and at boot camp and it really helps. I've always used the excuses 'I can't run well when it's hot' 'I'm no good in the heat' etc so with last week's hot weather I changed my mindset and told myself I could run in the heat and maintain the pace I was supposed to be running at and chose not to use the heat as an excuse not to run as fast as I am able and I just about managed it. Thinking 'yes I'm too hot, I'm dripping with sweat and uncomfortable but that's ok doesn't mean you need to slow down' actually worked and I had some pretty good runs last week. Also tried the same techniques at boot camp pushing myself to do a few more reps or sprint a bit faster. 

Something else I realised this week is that my race number for The Chiltern Way Ultra is the same as Saffron Trail, number 3. Very sensible friends and the sane, rational part of my brain knows it doesn't matter what number I'm wearing it won't affect how I run. The slightly crazy, superstitious part of my brain, that bit that makes me salute lone magpies, not open umbrellas indoors, put new shoes on tables etc says differently! I'll let you know which bit wins this battle!!! 

Looking back at my running year so far I am surprised at how much I've changed and I still have so much to learn as I'm still fairly new to ultra running, but I feel I am heading in the right direction. I love having something in my life that makes me happy that I look forward to and that enables me to see beautiful parts of the countryside and that ability to keep pushing myself further. Then there are all the people it has brought into my life. What's not to love...

Have a good week and happy running xx 

Moving forward...

So it's been a week since Saffron Trail and although still disappointed I am ready to move forward and focus on my training and preparation for The Chiltern Way Ultra, which is only 6 weeks away.

It's been an emotional week and I have learnt a lot about ultra running and maybe more importantly about myself, my strengths and weaknesses. This is a good thing as there is stuff I can do to address the weaknesses, six weeks isn't long but having finished work for the summer holidays I have the time to train without any distractions! 

Having Lindley as my coach has been great this week as on my own I possibly wouldn't have addressed where it went wrong. Having someone to tell you and give advice has turned what could have been very negative for my running in something more positive. Also by Tuesday I desperately wanted to run, it was as though I needed to prove to myself that I still could! I sent Lindley a message asking if I could as my training plan was to rest until Friday. The reply was 'no walk the dog!' So I counted down the hours until Friday and even a massive thunder storm wasn't going to stop me going for that run! Again left to my own devices I would have gone out much too soon and not recovered properly, I only realised how tired my legs still were when I tried to act as guide runner for my son, who's registered blind, at parkrun yesterday, he went off much faster than I could manage and he had to run unguided. 

Over the next few weeks I will be training hard, getting in some more night runs to build my confidence running and navigating in the dark, and trying to get mentally prepared for what I know is going to be a massive challenge at the end of August. Saying that I am more determined than ever to finish The Chiltern Way Ultra.

      This will be my mantra over the next few weeks 

Have a great week and happy running xx 

Saffron Trail Ultra and those three dreaded letters...

DNF three letters that mean so much... (Did not finish in case any non runners are mistakingly reading my blog!!) 

 So Saffron Trail didn't go how I was expecting and I have spent the last twenty four hours going through a range of emotions from crying to anger (at myself, not anyone else) and others in between. As I said last week I had trained so hard and felt more prepared for this race than any other so where did it all go wrong?

It started well, was a nice sunny evening, if a little warm and humid and I was ready for the challenge. I was finding it a little difficult to settle into a comfortable pace, felt I went out too fast, but often takes a while in an ultra to settle so wasn't concerned. I met Fiona and David early on in the race and we stuck together it was good to have some company and we had an enjoyable first leg and although at the back with the sweepers I was at the time I needed to be at for the finish time I wanted when we arrived at checkpoint one.

We didn't hang around for long and set out again, we had to deal with thunder, lightening and heavy rain, I decided against a waterproof as it was so hot and stuffy and I felt comfortable. Half way through leg two my heel started to hurt, it bothered me more than niggles normally do and even at that early stage I began to slow down. We arrived at Checkpoint 2 and was good to see my daughter Abbi and Kate who gave me some advice for dealing with the pain, took a couple of paracetamol and off we went again. 

Leg three was horrific and where it really started to go wrong for me, navigating and running in the dark was so much tougher than I had anticipated, trying to find overgrown footpaths proved impossible and a couple of times we ended up waist deep in stinging nettles! I had run this section in daylight but it was still tough and that coupled with my sore foot quickly sent me into a whirl of negative thinking.This was new to me on a race, I've had bad patches in races before, times where you question what you're doing, times when you just want to stop, but normally I can give myself a talking to, or talk to someone else and snap out of it. Nothing helped this time, pulling out and going home to bed went round and round in my head, I didn't say this to Fiona and David at this point and we reached checkpoint three fifteen minutes before the cut off, we knew we needed to speed up if we were going to make the next cut off, but it was doable. So off we went again. The creepy graveyard during leg 3 lifted my 'spirits' for a while!! 

     Fiona, David and myself in the Creepy Graveyard!! 

Leg 4 was more fields, woods and a run though Chelmsford in the early hours of Sunday morning, I couldn't manage a decent pace for any length of time, and was fully prepared to quit at the next checkpoint. It was good to see Maxine about a mile before the checkpoint. Checkpoint four had to be moved unexpectedly and she was there to give us water and new maps. I said I wasn't sure if I could go on but was talked into going the extra mile to the next checkpoint. In my head I was thinking 'ok one more mile then I stop.' 

The checkpoint staff had other ideas and although we were a little outside the cut off time we were allowed to go on, a sugary cup of tea was handed to me and I was told to keep moving, my feeble protests that I'd had enough were ignored and I was resigned to going another 10miles. I wasn't happy, I hated running, was never going to do an ultra again once this was finally over, and Lindley got called all sorts of things in my head!! I tried to keep my negativity to myself as Fiona and David seemed in good shape and I was starting to worry I was slowing them down. We plodded on towards checkpoint 5 but at Great Waltham I'd really had enough and spoke to Lindley telling him I'd had enough.

I think the conversation went like this

Lindley: What's wrong?

Me: My feet hurt, my legs hurt, I feel sick and I can't do this.

Lindley: All normal for an ultra then, are you still moving?

Me: Yes but very slowly

Lindley: Ok keep pushing then, get through this section then it's not far to go.

As you can imagine he wasn't my favourite person right then!! So I had two choices keep going or refuse to move! I kept going, there was a sign on the gate we were about to enter that said 'Warning, bull in field' and all I could think was I hope it tramples me so I can stop!! But then just for a while mentally I picked myself up, I could this...

It didn't last long and negativity crept back in, but I did have moments of thinking I could get to the end, so it wasn't going to be anywhere near the time I wanted but I could do it, it was supposed to be tough. So I resigned myself to the fact that no one was going to let me quit so I had to get the job done.

It seemed to take forever to get to Checkpoint 5 but the hours of darkness were over, so navigation became easier, it was Sunday morning, I felt awful but I was going to get this done. Then we reached checkpoint 5 way outside the cut off time and there we were told our race was over. It was totally the right decision. It still makes no sense to me that After spending so long wanting to stop when I was told I had to I was devastated. We'd run 50 miles overnight in pretty awful weather conditions, it was a tough, tough race and I'd got my first DNF. We were driven to the end at Saffron Walden, I didn't say much, I couldn't as didn't want to cry in front of everyone. Once we got out of the car I had a pain in my ankle, the opposite foot to the one that had been the problem! Maxine fed me tea and cake and iced my ankle, was great to get a hug from Abbi. I think Lindley and everyone else said kind things I wasn't really listening, I still can't put into words how completely gutted I am, I'm trying to put it in perspective, learn from the experience and refocus for the next one (there will be one!!).

This morning I was even annoyed that my legs are hurting, I didn't finish so I shouldn't ache, then I realised I had still run a tough 50 miles. The support and kind words I've had from friends and family has been amazing, I know 50 miles is a long way but it wasn't the 70 it should have been! 

I have lots to think about about, new plans to make because not finishing Saffron also means I am out of Challenge Running's Grand Slam, but still have two more races in the series to run and I will run them. I will take the positives from this experience and learn from the negatives and I will be back stronger and more determined. Lindley and Challenge Running will just have to put up with me at all their events again next year as I'm not one to leave things unfinished!!

There are some things that went well, think I've finally got hydration and nutrition sorted. My shoe, sock, gaiter combination is fab, two tiny blisters after hours of running with wet feet and I met some awesome people (love the ultra running community). 

I don't blame anyone or anything other than myself for not finishing this race, the dark, the weather, the navigation all made it tough (it's supposed to be tough that's why I do it!!) I didn't stick to my race plan, I let small things grow into big things in my mind and it was definitely what was going on in my head rather than my body that caused my DNF.

A massive, massive thank you to Fiona and David for your support and company on the route,  hope to see you both at events in the future. Thank you to all the volunteers at checkpoints for keeping us going on Saturday night, for not letting me quit early on, Maxine for looking after me at the finish. Lindley for being a great coach, putting on amazing events and not letting me give up at Great Watham, I plan to work even harder over the next six weeks and will give the Chilterns everything I've got. Finally thanks to everyone else for your support, kind messages and donations. 

Well done to the winners, finishers and all those that took part. 

Have a good week and happy running xxx 

Pre-race excitement/nerves...

Just one more day until I take on Challenge Running's Saffron Trail Ultra, 6pm tomorrow I will be beginning a 70 mile race from Southend to Saffron Walden.

I am excited to get going now, even though the pre-race nerves have hit already! Mentally and physically I am completely ready for this, I know I've trained hard and am in the best shape I've ever been before a race.

I have a plan for the race that I'm not going to share as so much can change as you run. I don't know how much the dark will affect me. Navigation I am pretty happy with I have run most of the sections I will be doing in darkness so as long as I concentrate all should be good. With a full moon and creepy grave yards to run through it could be my fastest ever!! 

      This will be fun in the dark!!

I have been obsessively checking the weather forecast all week as though that's going to make it perfect running conditions but what will be, will be...

So give me a thought Saturday night as you tuck up warm and cosy into bed, I will be out in the Essex countryside somewhere. If you want to sponsor me please go to www.justgving.com/UltraNicki and help me raise funds for Moorfields Eye Charity.

Enjoy your weekend and happy running xx